Tom’s story
As I spent most of my time with Dad and organized the supplies and caregivers he needed, or took him to the various doctor’s appointments, something happened. We began discussing the end of his life as well as periods of each of our lives we both had questions about and needed clarity on. We became friends.
As his world became smaller and smaller due to the fact that he was bed ridden, he talked openly about how and where he wanted to die. He chose our family house on Salt Spring Island in BC, Canada. In March 2009, with both my brothers having arrived earlier in the month we began discussing how we would get a very sick person from Portland to a somewhat remote island north of Victoria, BC. It wasn’t so much getting him there that was the problem – it was coordinating all the supplies, various family members and trying to duplicate the same medical set up we had in Portland. On Sunday April 5th, Dad made the decision, he wanted to go to Canada. On Wednesday April 8th, we made it happen.
The next few days in Canada were wonderful. We shared a lot with each other and were fortunate to all be together. The group consisted of not only my wife and two daughters but my step-brother, his wife and three daughters, Gun, my youngest brother and a longtime family friend.
Every day I try to find something to be grateful for and in my case it’s not so hard with all of the love and support around me from my family. -Tom Denhart, January 2009
On April 12, Easter Sunday, only 4 days after arriving from Portland, Dad took his final breaths. His battle was over. He had lost, cancer had won. He was 67 years old. Throughout his 14 year battle, outside of the first 6 months, I never once heard Dad complain, get angry or curse the fact that he had cancer. Though he may have done so in private, his attitude and outward demeanor were generally always positive and forward thinking. On the morning of his last day, he did say that he wished he would be able to make it through one more summer.
This experience has led to the formation of the Prostate Awareness Research Foundation, PAR for Life.
I feel it is clear to me now that education and awareness are the keys to finding a cure for any cancer. With education comes understanding and with understanding comes the acceptance of the facts. Prostate cancer effects 1 in 6 men and the fact that if any man lives long enough the probability that they will heard the words “You have prostate cancer” are very high.
My grandfather, Roy Francis Denhart
This diagnosis is not a death sentence. Early detection can save a life. Men need to understand this and not wait until the options for living a healthy life have come and gone.
In 1999, Dad and Jim Snow, along with a few other wonderful volunteers, started a one-day golf tournament in honor of my grandfather, Roy Francis Denhart. Since then, over $250,000 has been raised through the local PC Challenge to benefit prostate cancer research at the OHSU Knight Cancer Institute.
A few months after Dad’s passing my family and I began making plans to return to our life in Sydney, our home, our cats, family and friends. Then it hit me. Why should anyone have to go through this? Can I make a difference and help prevent men and their families from going through what we went through? Can golf be a vehicle that brings us together and makes this happen?
The answer is yes!
